I’ve found myself in a familiar space lately. The space of knowing that it’s time to make yet another leap into the unknown via big changes in my life. My practice is shifting, I’m moving back to SF, I’m being called to expand in many areas.
I’m no stranger to stepping across the threshold of my comfort zone. I’ve always been a risk taker. I guess like any process, being able to recognize the markers of the beginning of a growth phase (dis-satisfaction with the current state, feeling that familiar itch to make a change, seeing things that used to run smoothly slow down or become wobbly) makes it easier in the sense that it’s familiar, However just because I’ve done it a lot doesn’t mean it isn’t still uncomfortable.
I’ve said this often, “I’m a recovering control freak”. Perhaps it’s because I have like 1,000 planets in Virgo in my astrological chart. Perhaps it’s because I grew up as an outsider and finding ways to exert control on my environment gave me a sense of power. There could be a million different reasons why. Ultimately none of them matter beyond the realization of my tendency to want to control and letting that inspire me learn how to reconcile those tendencies with living a life in the here in now.
I have been knotted up the past few days trying to force these new inner prompts into something concrete and understandable. The fear of the unknown is still my least favorite thing. Being in this space in the past has seen me spinning my wheels for weeks, months and way back when even years! So the fact that I have recognized it in just a matter of days is cause for celebration in and of itself.
I laugh at myself realizing I am my own worst client. When people come to me and are in this same space, the info that comes through is always some variation on “you don’t need the plan” or “you don’t want the plan” and “ultimately there is no plan”. At least not a plan in the A-to-Z-start-to-finish-way that the mind wants there to be.
What I know for sure is that’s it’s always about doing what’s in front of me now. What’s next is an illusion because what’s next is always predicated by what I do now. The potentiality of all that is possible is only ever crystallized into a timeline or path by what I choose now. There are an infinite number of paths to the top of the mountain and inevitably all of them lead to the top of the mountain. I know I’ll get there, it’s only ever a question of what will the quality of my journey be (through my allowing or not allowing) and how long will it take for me to finally let go and allow myself to be called forward rather than being determined to force it to be something predictable and knowable.
So after a few days of wrestling with myself, I decided to ask the guides what their perspective is. You’d think that by now, I would go to them first…but no. Old habits die hard.
Here’s what they had to say on the idea of clarity, control and letting go.
Clarity comes through letting go. You think (because you have been taught) that letting go means giving up or moving on. That letting go is a final act either of defeat or of having decided to walk away out of self preservation. This is not at all what we mean when we talk about letting go. Letting go means soften your grip on it. Unclench. LET GO means LET IT BE. Let it be doesn’t mean leave it alone, it means accept it as it is in this moment now. Observe it as it is, not as you would wish it to be.
You have been taught that things can be solved by thinking and thinking and thinking. That by effort or force or sheer will you can make something be what you want it to be. Do you not see yet how that is the old way that no longer serves you? What you seek is clarity. Clarity always comes as an epiphany, a flash of inspiration, an “a-ha” moment. Clarity emerges. It only ever comes when you allow yourself to receive it. You cannot be in receiving mode if you are gritting your teeth trying to force the square peg into the round hole. Even now as you are typing this you are scanning for typos and errors. We invite you to stop. Take a breath and relax about things. There will be plenty of time for proofreading later. Let the message come.
Creativity cannot flow through tension. The clarity you seek is the freedom that allows you to create what is next. You always create from the inspiration. You don’t force the thing to be what you want and then hope that the thing is inspired or inspiring. It doesn’t work that way. Every great moment of inspiration has always come when the creator steps away for a moment. When he is so tired and wiped out from trying to make it be something that he takes a break and stops. He moves into the bedroom and collapses in a fit of exhaustion and then…EUREKA! Suddenly something clicks and it all makes sense. She instantly sees the thing that has been missing or the error that she has overlooked. When she allows herself to stop trying to make it be something else and allows it to be what it is then she sees the way to transform it.
You cannot ever make something new until you honestly assess what currently is. Assessing what is and allowing it to be what it is, doesn’t mean you have to like it. It doesn’t mean you have to continue to re-create it in the same form or fashion. All it means is that you survey it and allow it to be seen for what it is currently. Once it has been acknowledged then it can be transformed.
When you see through the lens of surrendering to what is you relieve yourself from having to fix or change the thing you have decided is broken. When you decide that it’s broken or unwanted or undesirable, you assign a different value to it and you immediately try to eliminate, eradicate or change it. You resist it. When you resist it you are attaching to it. When you have attached to it, you prevent it from being fluid and you rob it of its capacity to transform. When you let it go so it can show you what it is, it immediately returns back to the state of potentiality. The potential for all things exists in all moments. When you decide to attach a belief to something or create a story about it, you negate all other potentiality. Including the potential for it to become something else. Do you see? When you stop getting so tied up and tangled about things you allow them to continue to flow. Of course there will be action and decisions to be made but those only ever present themselves in the right moment. Anything else is like trying to experience what the cake tastes like before you’ve even baked it.
Being in a state that you would call “dissatisfaction” holds a negative connotation because you let your mind tell the story that it means you have done something wrong or that you have failed. Can you not see that the only way things have ever changed is that when what is no longer serves or satisfies you? Dissatisfaction is the first step of creating something new. It can be a very inspiring, powerful, place if you let it. The mind is terrified of it because to the mind it signals that change is coming. The mind immediately goes into panic mode trying to figure out what is going to change and when and how. All of which are entirely unknowable things as they still exist only in a state of what will potentially change based upon what you choose to do now.
Like all things, the energy that you allow to be the impulse for your actions informs the outcome. If you let the fear and panic of the mind be the thing that prompts you to action, then you create things that are energetically lopsided and they are not sustainable. When you let excitement or curiosity or empowerment (all of which are a vibration of Love) be the state that you create from you create a balanced fractal that expands naturally, easily, and organically. The choice may still be the same no matter which state you are creating from, but in the end the thing about the choice that matters is how you feel about the choice you are making.
Trust that the prompts you are receiving about the changes you are being called to witness are not here to throw you off track or lead you on a wild goose chase. Know that just like everything else in your life that when you allow yourself to trust in the moment and what it holds, you will intuitively know what to do. The fact that you are being called forward to create something new means that it already exists. If it didn’t exist, you wouldn’t hear it calling.
In love and light we leave you.
The Lighted Ones.
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