When I tell you I was on the verge of throwing things just to see them be destroyed and wanting to hurt people, it’s not much of an exaggeration. Not that I would have ever acted on those impulses, but the fact that they were there really caught me off guard.
Clearly there’s a deeply hidden pocket of funk that we’re purging. I’ve been on this journey long enough to recognize when I’m clearing stuff for the collective. This was a combination of my stuff as well as our stuff. Which ultimately is all the same.
So often we feel that negative emotions are a sign of “spiritual failure”. We avoid experiencing the shadow aspects because we’re afraid of creating negative momentum or resistance. What we often forget is that not expressing our emotions keeps them rooted in our field.
Not expressing them only expands them and magnifies them.
Not expressing them IS resistance.
Loving ALL that emerges within us is the only way through it. As we grow into and reprise our roles as Masters, we must remember to Love all of it.
No exceptions. Full stop.
So as shocked as I was to feel what I was feeling, I knew I had to let it come through so it could leave. I reached out to a good friend and asked for his prayers to help me through this.
His words were so encouraging and such a good reminder:
“Andrew, you have all my energy flowing to you right now. Let it flow through you. All your anger and sadness, let that flow as well. Move your body, draw, shout, sing and dance. That feeling is not real. It is not truth.”
So I did just that.
As I walked to the bus, I let it all bubble up. I let it flow through me.
The anger, the fear, the rage, the hopelessness and the hatred.
I let it all come without judgement.
As it continued to build and peak I stayed in observer mode and let it come.
As I read the words of my friend, I found myself on the verge of tears.
I let that flow too.
By the time I got to work, I felt it start to ebb. It slowly drained out of me. The turbulent waters started to calm and gently became smooth again.
There was no reason to fear.
The feelings had no agenda other than the desire to be acknowledged and witnessed. They wished me no harm. As they evaporated, I realized that they wanted exactly what I wanted.
Ease, flow, love, peace, expansion, acceptance.
The shadow holds just as much for us as the light does. There is no difference between them. Just like the negative of a photograph is merely the inverse of the same image.
As the Master of Self, I am reminded to love myself through all of it. The pain, the fear, the anger, the frustration.
All of it is for me.
All of it is from me.
As I write this I chuckle to myself. I laugh at how easy it is to forget the basic truths. I marvel at how quickly I am now able to transform my reality through such simple ways.
So as we continue to expand, contract, ebb and flow remember that none of it is outside of us. None of it can harm us and all of it comes from Love.
Yes, even the urge to throw shit and cause destruction just to see it shatter is inviting us to a deeper place of Love and compassion for ourselves.
So let it come and let it go.
Nothing is wasted.
It is all perfect.
All of it.
Love it all until it unfolds itself before you and sets you free.
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