Needed or Loved

We can need someone without loving them. We can love someone without needing them. They are not the same thing. Love can inspire us to provide for the needs of another. Like a mother to a child. Like a loving friend reaching out to support you.
Often not being loved creates a desperate need within us. A need for something to fill us. A need for the attention and approval of others. Often we feel unworthy of love so we create relationships where we are needed and we mistake being needed for being loved. Because someone depends on you doesn’t mean they love you. If someone says that their love is dependent on you giving them what they need, they most definitely don’t love you.
Neediness is desperate and grasping. It’s an externally focused hunger that can never be appeased. Neediness is often borne from a lack of love. Love always starts from an internal place. RuPaul said it best “if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?” Until we learn to love ourselves and not only advocate for what we need, but also provide it for ourselves; how could we possibly ever recognize it when it comes from another?
Love is not an emotion, it’s a force of nature. It’s a verb. It’s an action. Where in your life do you get love and need twisted up in a knot? Need doesn’t nurture love, it nurtures desperation and chaos. It’s panicked and afraid. Look at the insanity in the world around you. So many people thinking that if they can only get what they need, then they’ll finally be loved. It’s time to start unraveling that shit. It’s toxic. Can you love someone without needing anything from them in return? Can you provide for yourself what you need out of love for yourself? Can you speak up and state what you need? Can you love without expectation? Can you allow yourself to receive love without feeling like you have to fulfill their needs in return?
You don’t have to answer me now, but you should definitely consider these questions. One thing is clear, when we love ourselves deeply, we will never deny ourselves from getting what we truly need.

Needed or Loved


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